Does $25,000 worth of doping products make good fertiliser?

THE bundle of documents is huge but if you’ve got a spare hour or so, the witness statements and reports released by USADA investigators into the Lance Armstrong case make fascinating reads. It effectively writes a story of what, if true, would be sport’s greatest, most conniving fraud. Armstrong of course denies any wrongdoing but says he is too fatigued by it all to defend himself. His lawyers call it a ‘one-sided hatchet job’.

The documents released yesterday read like some sort of tragic, desperate movie script, the downfall of a hero. Billy Zane should be in this movie, running around doing his frantic eyes thing as Lance, someone like that. There should be a quality actress to play Betsy Andreu too, the meddling wife of one of Armstrong’s team-mates who tells how she had seen him admit taking banned substances to a doctor while visiting him in hospital during his treatment for cancer.

You can imagine the scene where she tells Frankie Andreu before she marries him that she won’t go through with the wedding if he’s mixed up in drugs and doping too. Throw in the occasional mention of Sheryl Crow and some glamourous locations, from Alpine mountaintops to the Italian lakes, and you’ve got a blockbuster. Like I said, the bundle, all online, is huge. So here’s just one little mini-drama from a tiny except which might have left one unnamed French village without its field of grass… A worker on Armstrong’s team recalls the day it was feared the Gendarmes were on the way:

Where they once played rugby, who knows, maybe they now play boules or petanque on the barren remains…

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